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Comment by Brotha Nature on January 1, 2010 at 7:36pm

I can't speak on the players or the greedy, it does vary on different people for why its done. They consider it more of a "game" or "sport" and sometimes even convince themselves "it aint cheatin unless you get caught". Cheatin is cheatin. Believing it aint because you're just that damn good sets you up for a serious wake up call. I can only speak on my past and possibly summarize it for all categories of cheating men at the end. There's never a right time to cheat but what would lead me to it is deprivation. If I'm subject to (supposedly) be with this woman the rest of my life & she denies me of what only SHE can supply me with, then I'm sorry but I can only be strong for so long.

A poet friend and I got into a BIG debate about this topic. I never admitted to being for or against any justifications for cheating I just introduced a new perspective and pointed out her contradictions. The fact of it is, there is no excuse for cheating. When you take the word into context & separate it from relationships, it allows you to see how LOW it makes you. If you "CHEAT" in a fight, dice game, sports, judging a contest etc. you are looked at as weak and need your ass whipped. But when its done in a relationship, its always the arguement of something triggered that off or retaliation vs. just wanting to win so bad. I told the poet that there was a time where I did it to retaliate. It was far from how most men would retaliate, I wanted to kill 2 birds with one stone and that was not even sneak to do it and live out fantasies with the risk. You'll probably hardly ever hear that as an excuse because its not, its true. Since she had been going to her cousin's to get her hair braided as an alibi I did one better. I had mistresses right under her nose laughing and smoking cigarettes with her because I orchestrated it well. One was a bi girl who was a rapper, another bi girl who sang backup and the alibi was rehearsing with me for half an hour then pretend we're headed to the studio but really would go to her house. With the singer, it was very convincing because she flirted with my baby's mama and body chemistry read as not into men when she came over. With the rapper, she dressed thuggish and cussed like a dude and my baby's mama thought no way in hell something would be going on with a chick of that persona.

I know the shit was scandelous looking back but like I said, I wanted MORE than a punk ass retaliation. I must admit, getting your hair braided is a good alibi when your man aint about to sit there hours and wait with/for you listening to gossip. Unlike hers, if it ever resurfaces I want her to think back to all these women who sat & idle chatterd with her before leaving the house to screw her man right under her nose. The adreneline rush was amazing from that as well as the riskiest fantasy I pulled off of having sex with my homie's twin cousin (not knowing her name & no words exchanged but hi) while she was only 10 feet away on the porch. That was mind-blowing!! It got pointless because I had might as well have been with they asses as much as we were screwing, kickin it and having fun with females in my music realm. Since then I've come to find you'd be surprised with what you get when you're honest, don't beat around the bush, communicate it well and don't be selfish. She may just want to try a 3some, open relationship, taking turns with fantasies, or mutually establish the rules from the beginning so that you don't have to cheat.

The poet argued that by no means should you do it. I told her I wouldn't advocate it but one who does it on the grounds of deprivation shouldn't be held with the same disgust as a player. She said "that's bullshit, if you're deprived, just go. Don't stay and cheat on HER, wasting both of yall time, riskin disease to bring back to her or pregnancy for the other chick."Deprivation calls for desperate measures and all the person knows is they gotta get it although may feel like shit later. Its what that homeless man does when tucking lunch meat in his coat from the supermarket to keep from starving. Its what makes a square, decent, church boy rob a bank when his mother needs a operation for a tumor and can't afford it. Its what makes inmates start finding cissys desireable when under any other circumstances, he wouldn't look that way. To totally bypass that mindstate is inconsiderate because you would think the same way deprived and those THOUGHTS are the core issue.

That's one of the most cliche-issh statements you'll hear someone bring up is "just go" and its usually by someone who is used to a "cycle" where they probably hold back so much that in any conflict they're prepared to "just go" at any minute. When you're married, its no longer a temp job its a career. You've invested in years, subdivisions, credentials etc. but you're at a point where you just don't know what to do. The average person whose had nothing in their life but temp after temp finds it very easy to "just go". For one who's invested 8 years in a career then 10 right after that failed, one has a more REALISTIC outlook on where they'll go if this one fails so its no rush to decide. They'll most likely tell you they're going to get a temp job on the side until/unless things get better. She argued that "its worse when you're married, you're breaking vowels". Ok so we're going based of morals now? Are you serious? Go and tell all of your friends including yourself to stop having pre-marital sex then. She had nothing to say. Bottom line is just like lifestyles, religions, politics and practices you don't agree with you can't stereotype one to look like a villian whe they just may be the victim.

I think people look upon you with more disgust when you're married for the fact you're relationship is more on BLAST, considered vows before God & you failing the tests of committment/loyalty. But its really no worse than pre-marital sex which will be practiced by the majority of people pointing that finger at you. If we're going to go based on morals, what's worse? Actually let me put it a better way because there is no worse. But what do you see more understandable or repentable? When one can say "I honestly didn't know what to do when temptation got strong & I realized the depth of the wrong in it when the guilt hurt my heart afterwards", or "I'm so content with living in sin as well as the majority of my peers that I don't even SEE the wrong"

Like I said, you have to disattach the cheating from relationships and analyze its definition and what leads to it. In this case its not knowing any other way when leaving sounds impossible. I used to wonder how a woman could stay in a abused relationship & my first thought would be "just go" as well. But just like being deprived, this woman has so much invested and either has nowhere to go yet or is waiting on that person she loved to come back but in the meantime she gets by however she can. Maybe the abuse can be tolerated compared to what's out there in the cold world. You can never judge until you are in those shoes, then even when you're out, set an example overall not just in the fidelity department before judging.

To summarize for men on a deeper aspect and talk about the thought process, I'll leave on this note. It might not be what alot of the ladies want to hear but it is REAL & not to be mistaken for "its a man thing deal with it" or an excuse to cheat. Cheatin is not in a man's nature but what is is "disregard to rules & standards" in exchange for "strategy", "sport", "risk" & the adreniline that comes with it. Its the reason we have higher crime rates, earlier deaths & less likely to understand the concept of committment before women. You can go back to two male & female ciblings childhood & i bet you the male was the one with the most whoopins for going in the cookie jar after constantly told NO. Wheras the female grasps the concept of how serious rules are & how they keep us in line right then & there. She practices it until adulthood & most likely will be mentally prepared for committment by then. The man on the other hand just doesn't get it. It'll usually take a severe lost to get a full understanding. He'll go through getting speeding tickets, get fired for smoking weed on the job & ALL these things he thought he could "get away with" because the rules were BS to him. So by the time these two meet, mentally they have way different concepts on committment & neither knows or questions it until its put to the test.

Comment by Marie on September 24, 2009 at 12:45am

Men do cheat because they want taste another menu aside from the usual at the master's bedroom at home, but in reality, they are all afraid to loss their family. but, if married women cheat out of revenge, it worsen the situation. .make it more pleasant,that women do cheat because she found a man who loved and respect her more than her husband.

Comment by michael on September 15, 2009 at 1:23pm

we cheat casue we can

Comment by TRACY MZ HOUSTON IF U NASTY on July 16, 2009 at 11:56pm

I think if married women do cheat, its mostly out of anger, being mad at something they caught their husband doing.. BUT I THINK MEN CHEAT OUT OF GREED. IF THEY GO TO THE CLUB WITH THE BOYS AND SEE A HOTTIE THEY FUCK HER, IF THEY RUN INTO A OLD GIRLFRIEND THEY FUCK HER... JUST BECAUSE....

Comment by James Cline on July 16, 2009 at 1:12pm

i don't know how about this why do women cheat?

Comment by xtradark on July 9, 2009 at 5:23am

You will never get a blanket answer to this because it's different for all men. I would guess the the main reason would be because they are unhappy and the other person is typically giving them something they aren't getting from thier other. I think this reason is probably true for men and women. There is always two sides to every story and cheating is not right but lots of people apparently see it as a better alternative to just being honest and telling the person they are with that they aren't interisted anymore. Me personally I have learned honesty is the best policy and saves you a headache in the long run.

Comment by yadi yadi yada on July 9, 2009 at 1:28am

Well in my opinion, from experience *wink* These days its simply because they are insecure. I am not speaking on all men.. The traditional role held a mans role as a secured position. These days wives are equal if more at times.. So the man needs a variety of lovers to balance his own insecurities and unhappiness. The cheating leads to complicated sources and eventually he tends to be a coward to get out once he is caught. Other situations are due to being pressed into marriage ( by pregnancy) and at the time it was the easiest thing to do.. Then he gets financially stuck and has to live his double life just to fill a little of the entire empty life he built out of convienence. The man needs to feel that he is wanted and when its sour at home or in the certain commitment, Believe its happy elsewhere in his company.. This scenario just displays they feel they have no control so in order to keep it they have multiple lovers.... There are alot of women that hold the same traits however u specifically narrowed this down to the men.. just a neutral comment lol.. I hope all is good and well with you.. We could prob talk about alot of stuff RE MEN.. shit i tell yah lol.. peace