Bend her like Beckham

David Beckham is known for bending balls at will all over the pitch, so we don’t consider it a stretch to assume
that he’s also adept at bending his wife all over the bedroom. To be
like Becks, bend your lady over an ottoman or something similar, as long
as it provides a clear view of the footy match on telly, and strike
away. We hear this is the position Becks and Posh used to conceive their
three kids, so if you're not looking to have a little dribbler of your
own, we suggest you wear a Robben.

The Lionel Messy

Lionel Messi is widely considered the best player on the planet, with a playing style as
smooth as silk and a tendency to leave his opponents in shambles. So to
honor the Argentinian soccer god, lie your partner down on your finest
silk sheet, grab a few cups of chimichurri (Argentina's national
condiment), lather her up, and go at it as though you're two rabid
animals covered in a parsley, minced garlic, olive oil, red wine
vinegar, and red pepper flakes marinade. And, as luck would have it, you
are.

The hand of God

Maradona scored this famous goal with an illegal use of the hand, so as punishment, handcuff your lover to
the bed, then use both hands to give her a truly religious experience.
Use one hand to gently massage her clitoris while the other penetrates her vagina
like a pseudo-penis. If performed correctly, we assure you the results
will be anything but controversial.